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julep

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[Apr 09 2012 / 4:21pm]


UPDATES:

-my best friend, anthony poynter, passed away from cancer. i miss him so much.
-my partner mark has been in india & is currently in england.
-i'm working 35-50 hours a week.
-i got more shading done on my arm


life is weird. eh.
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[Sep 18 2011 / 11:32am]
GOTTA GET MY SHIT TOGETHER VERSION 2011



- i ended my relationship with tyler. long distance + monogamy + treatment are too much for me right now. i can't help to like lots of humans. i never got to visit him in rva. bummer. $70 bus tickets gone~

- i had mono but i am fine now. shit sucked! i was a sleepy pup for 2 months straight!

- i've been going to my sister's house in kent fairly often. lots of nice talks and walks! i love it there. it has been so nostalgic hanging out in kent again. it is sort of bittersweet to be honest.

- i have no idea what is next for me. i feel like i am ready to start working again, health-wise. i don't know where i am going to live/move to next. i love kent! i love boston! i love so many places. i just want to have that feeling of 'home' back.

- my ed doctor is always booked so i am gradually searching for all new doctors. i went all out and got a hypnotist session done last week. the 'guided imagery' helped. i've got to get some tests done. (ekg results weren't good, so do that again, cbc blood tests, bone density, std tests, etc.)

- i've been watching twin peaks religiously, reading, and smoking cigarettes again. oh well.
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TWIN PICS AT PIX FEST [Jul 18 2011 / 7:52pm]



(L to R: jennifer, me, austin, ryan, ellie, & louise)
austin and ryan are in DELAY

ellie and louise are HEATHERS


- moved back to my parents' in ohio
- cutting down on smoking/feverish, got chills,feel ultimately shitty
- ED doctor's office is full for this month/made sure i let them know this is important and that i moved to get help/need to see someone ASAP
- already sick of feeling like a failure/letting myself down
- skype dates with tyler make me smile so, so much
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tw-eating disorders mentioned [Jul 03 2011 / 12:32pm]



me in the jean vest @ pix fest.




pix fest was amazing. i am so thankful to be part of such an amazing an supportive community. it was crazy to see other punx~ wearing patches of anthony's face that read, FUCK CANCER. people from england,puerto rico, anywhere & all over! he is my best friend and i love that support is contagious.

my eating problems are coming back full force. questions pop in my head like, oh its just a day without eating. or its only one purge. i need to figure this shit out! i am sick of being so fucking tired and being triggered at work/all day. i gotta talk to my boss and let my co-workers know that this is serious again and that i need to go back to my parents place to talk with my doctors. i can't live in this town anymore. i can't live in a house without a fridge or stove or oven. i am sick of walking 4+ miles to get to a grocery shop. i can't have these arguments in my head about walking all day for food or just not eating.

i am so inspired and full of hope. i just need to get on the right track. i want to learn to drive! finish knitting projects! start things like on-going self betterment projects and therapy with peers. i want to just do do do. do it together and do it yourself. i need this. i have the choices to do all of this in my life and i finally realize i don't have to have a shitty life just because i have an awesome job.

THINGS
-eating a muffin! go me! i wrote down in my planner not to eat and fuck that i am! step by step by step.
-kissed tyler so much this weekend! went on dates! cudddddles! he is so sweet to me and i love it! i watched so much freaks & geeks and we laid on his bed with his pup darwin! rva is so fucking awesome.
-gotta pay for storage! it is late! oooops.
-talk to work/doctors/my mommmmmma
-clean new tattoo~ (tyler and i got envelopes cause we are cute penpals)
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[Jun 16 2011 / 9:24pm]


bummin'
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[Jun 09 2011 / 1:25pm]
super update:




this is a picture from last year. (i'm, oddly, on the bottom with the striped shirt)



so i visited ohio about a week ago. my grandmother passed away. it was nice to visit my family, but still quite surreal. i was talking about getting a matroyshka doll tattoo, but i figured something else. a black outline of a heart with a bunny silhouette. i am not religious, but before my grandmother passed, she mentioned she wanted a signal to show everyone else she was happy and ok leaving. my aunt picked a bunny. at the funeral i saw one baby bunny hopping around alone. while at my parents house i saw the same thing. it is beautiful to me.
under your skin the moon is aliveCollapse )
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